To Choose To Fail

The giver of grace suffers the greatest burden of sin.

Nobody really knows about my life for a while now.

I've kept the details of it and buried it deep.

I tried to hide it from everyone around me.

Yet to only come face to face with my failures and the hurt it has caused people dearest to me. I don't have any answers or any excuses. I just know I wasn't strong enough to do the right things in the right moments. And I'm sorry.

I don't have anything to say except I chose to fail in everyone's eyes. And I'm sorry.

I asked God through it all and came face to face with my humanity. And I'm sorry.

I asked God, why?

He said "Trust Him", "Try". I did. I tried. I just wasn't enough.

I couldn't do it, and I let everyone down and hurt them deeply.

I feel I'm left with nothing sometimes. I even betrayed my own identity.

Nothing means I let go and let God. Nothing means He can recreate me as He sees fit.

From God extends His grace, and I pray His grace extends to those I hurt. I am taking grace now. I want to give it back but I don't have anything worth giving at the moment. I'm just sorry for the pain. Just so sorry.

I don't know where this journey is going to take me.

I always wished it would end soon.

It's not the end, I know, but many a time, I wish it was.

It's better to die trying than to fail sometimes.

Grace is a painful path to take. I'm sorry for making you take it.

I didn't want to take it myself, that's why I failed you.

I asked God to help me, but he still let me fail. I don't know why.

I just pray His plan is fulfilled in my iniquities.

Still, I chose to fail.

May God have mercy on me and my soul.