Two days ago, Singapore's new Prime Minister announced a slew of changes, with many of them targeted at children - from a significant increase in parental leave to the scrapping of the Gifted Education Programme.
These are very logical changes.
Yesterday, one of my kids was upset he was looking the "good" behaviour battle with my other kid, causing him to lose out on the power of choice to decide which of one two toys to pick. One thing Les to another, and he lashed out at his brother, escalated into a full tantrum, unkind words, and then finally with a huge vomit over the floor and the bed. And all the way, he kept telling me, he couldn't take the emotions he had, that he couldn't control it and what he was doing.
How would you react if you were me?
I'll tell you what I did. I shouted hard at him, with all my might. With a little uncontrollable anger. I sprayed his face with water, made him clean up his own vomit, then showered him down.
And then I hugged him. And then between me and him and his brother, I told them this.
There is always a power of choice
A choice that tells you, that you can do it, and even if you can't, you try. Everyone makes mistakes, it's ok, God and Daddy loves you. Come back, even after you fall down, but you can always do better.
To Ashyr - you are the big brother. Life is never easy for you who walks the path of growing up first. Compared to your brother. You're always at an disadvantage. You forge ahead. You learn to walk, to read, to go to school, you take the first exam, you play your first toy , get introduced to transformers, Pokémon, TV... And you struggle with those new experiences. In fact you are the first to realise that your life was disrupted by a new brother, and even Daddy cannot walk this path and forge this path for you. Even if I know how to walk it, it's totally different for you. Many times you have the option of choice to walk one way, or the other, that only you know and only you choose. Sometimes you will trip and fall. Like today. Sometimes you will find yourself in a wilderness, but it's ok. Always come back. Always come back. And always know we will help you get up.
To Edyn - your brother has it hard. You have a better life because you have a kor kor to follow. You see him succeed and do the same. You see him fall and you try to do better. But what is your role in this journey with him. Is it to laugh at him when he trips? Is it to follow and try to do better than him? You have the benefit and the blessings of a kor kor, that you fail less and knowing better. When you were born, you were born with someone to follow. And yes some times you have less, because you have your kor kor, but sometimes your kor kor feels like he has no one, even if he has more.
And to both Ashyr and Edyn - what do you think God wants for both of you even though your journeys are different? Ultimately he wants you both to walk together. Not for Ashyr to not look back for his didi, and leave him behind because at times Edyn will be a burden that sucks up resources and not for Edyn to keep wanting to surpass kor kor or happy to see him fall and take over. Don't you both remember the times you all play with each other and how great that felt? That's what God wants. For both of you to walk with each other even if one came first and the other last.
And for Daddy, myself - Who am I to get angry? To see them fail and to know I've failed myself. To preach what I cannot practice. To fall down and tell myself I can't take it. Who am I then? Even if Rev Tony says "don't think about your limitations", I know mine.
Who am I to teach my own kids about life? Who am I to tell them this is the way? Who am I to shout at him?
It is true. We all need God. We all need love. We all need to be shouted at. Punished. Suffer. We all need to know even if we fall, God will pick us up as long as we want to try again. Acting on repentance is about trying again - doing it slightly different. Even if we fail, even if there are no miracles sometimes, we try to do it better. That's the choice we have.
My kids will do better than me. Even in my own life with my own brother, I know what I tried to do. At times, I was happy to see him fail because I could then shine and run ahead. At times I saw him suffer and while I felt pity, I ran my own race. In certain times where we are all in tears, however, hope and love shines through.
I never wanted my brother to fail even if it meant I get to shine. But sometimes, I wonder it's too late to find the redemption in our walk. My brother fails and stumbled many times, but when my mum passed away, I l finally understood what she wanted, that even if I follow my brother and have not suffered the trips and falls he has, it is my duty as my brother's keeper to one day help pick him up. Just cos he's my brother and it is my duty. Because all my life, he has taught me so much about life and paved the way for me not to fail as many times.
You know, Edyn came back and he picked Ashyr up.
And Ashyr found more love for his brother, knowing that we all appreciates the falls he has gone through, but in this difficult time of his life, he has already done something great for Edyn.
Even if he has to say sorry sometimes. Just like I have to.
There's another paradigm above and beyond direct logic used in policy making. Lets find it, together. Find love in the hardest of places.
Comentarios