Over the last few years, I have taken the step to leave many things behind. And in the process of leaving them behind, I have also come to accept the realities of the imperfections we live in but also lament the continued hurts of those strings that I have decided to cut.
We don't have to be perfect anymore.
People hold on to themselves, and in the process of doing so, they define a perfection and righteousness centered around who they are. In many instances, it is acceptable. And even if unacceptable, they can find a community that accepts and strengthens that notion of who they are. Many things in this world are made of this. Even Christians and pastors, who cannot claim their imperfection fall into these traps.
Sadly, imperfection is seen as a weakness. One of my previous bosses mentioned, they like to stretch you like a rubberband and see where you snap first. There is very little room for weakness and imperfection, and the confidence of who you are is more widely accepted, even if it is wrong. Leaving a job is seen as weakness. Not playing politics seems like you are unable to handle it. Giving way is seen as insecurity. Not being opportunistic... Just being stupid.
And many times in my career and in my life, I have been asked to project an image of myself that isn't me. In some instances, I've projected a bigger, stronger image than I was. In some cases, I've projected being more humble. And yet in other cases, agreed when I disagreed. Sometimes. I end up becoming the person I projected myself to be, and felt utterly comfortable with it. And I have heard many justifications for it, such as. You're doing the right thing. It's not a lie. It's practical to do so. That's called overcoming your weaknesses. That's learning. But some things don't change.
And I knew I had to leave all these environments I've been in. Sadly my pastor sees Jesus and those who travelled out from the safety of their home into the wilderness as a time of testing and through the time of testing, because of our humanity, a time of failure away from the faith. And Jesus would be the only one to survive the testing. Just because of who He is. The rest of us are doomed to fail in the wilderness. And even if I nodded at that moment, I truly don't agree. We all fail whether in the wilderness or in the safety of our own home. But the confidence of his thinking makes me doubt myself that he might be right. But this is something that I need to explore and discover myself. All I know is this wilderness was very much laid by God, and all that has asked me to leave is but Him. And even if the world condemns for walking this path, so be it. Because I cannot deny you your own self and thinking, neither can I deny God or myself.
There are always people who will disagree. Even when I delivered some of my best work for my last company, some people disagreed.
But in these instances, there are also those that do, and those who cared about their fellow friend and colleague, and not just about their job. And if I look deep into my heart, I know these are the people that I want to be with, and I will walk with them. And the rest can choose their own paths.
Time will tell, my friends, where we have all stood and who we truly are.
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