Spent

Last two weeks was harsh.

I'm pretty tired. Pretty spent.

I asked myself. What am I working for?

People judge me all the time. I know.

Most people would believe you're working for yourself.

For money? For status? For fame? For your own ego?

I met a Christian brother, he told me that we need to do marketing, because that's how the corporate world works.

I've met many a Christian entrepreneur.

Many a Christian boss. Even Pastors working for the Lord. Or Pastors working for themselves. Or Entrepreneurs working for the Lord.

There isn't a need to question, is there?

You know. For a long time. I put many other things first before my work. My kids, church, etc.

I turned away promotions, business trips, just for these.

Funny how it's come full circle. And in a way I know I'm trading off things for my work.

But I can't help it.

You know why I'm working? I'm working hard because in a way. I believe I'm bringing hope.

Hope to younger professionals in sustainability that it's not just about money.

Hope to my overworked and more underpaid colleagues that hey, I'm here for them.

Hope to the world that there are people that believe in something better that's for all.

It's clichéd I know.

I never expected myself to be here.

I feel forced here.

Trust me, I've tried to leave many times. But everything has serendipitously turned out this way.

Am I upset. Yeah. It's not what I wanted.

I have no wish to be so spent. So tired. Too tired for my kids.

It's sad.

But this is my journey. Even if it crosses the desert, what choice do I have?