My Three Body Problem

2026 is here.

No one really knows how I am feeling inside but many things broke down in 2025 but somehow I feel a conviction my time in the wilderness is coming to an end. Yet when it does, it will continue to be what many would consider irrational, possibly chaotic, very likely stupid and maybe even unfathomable and very much what people would say is a waste.

Yet for me, it is necessary and the only way out.

On the last day of 2025 and on the first Sunday of 2026, the convictions I had seemed to knit a clear message... A lot of it stemmed from a hugely troubling 2025 but yet from a kind but painful prompting from someone I actually felt cared enough about me. From the goodness of his own heart and no other reason, that he saw something in me that no one else could... Even though he couldn't help me, his advice was a spark enough to pull me to realize the sun was setting on a very painful journey. And all he reminded me was to seek God.

And on the last day of 2025. It came clear... That epiphany of what he said, and somehow my heart felt ready.

I quote the three body problem because as abstract as it is, it applies to my life, and helps to explain what I'm going through. That life is hugely chaotic and seems always to end in destruction. And sometimes it seems unsolvable how to reach that state of stability, or... Just a glimmer of hope that miracles can happen and life works out.

There is a 3 body problem in my life.

It is my own battle with myself. My good and my evil.

There is the battle of the world.

And there is the spiritual battle God has and is always taking.

The truth is. The three body problem can't really be solved. And any semblance of stability is fleeting.

The Godly truth is.

God is sovereign so his body is stable. And fundamentally clear even if it oscillates around a seven day cycle.

The world, sadly, will never be stable and this is the chaos of nature - that continues to unfold.

For anyone, the reality is to find stability we need to find that stability within ourselves.

The second reality is that to align with the other stable body, to reach a stable state, we need to follow it - whether that's good or evil in your books but we cannot follow the world.

The answer out of my wilderness is as such.

Forget the world and all the troubles it brings. No matter what the world tells you, your alignment is clear.

If you want stability, peace, the only way your stars can align is with his goodness, and forget all of the world. Forget and do not worry about it's instability.

Even as the world oscillates, it cannot disrupt the alignment and stability within the other two bodies - if those are stable and because The biggest mass remains stable and limitless. Align with the world and instability persists and gets rocked by the spiritual battles even more. This is seven years of famine and seven years of harvest.

It doesn't have to be.

My way out of the wilderness is such. Release all alignment with the world and align with God. The goodness of God.

And when you see that alignment from the smallest to the biggest.... You see that colinear axis of stability that will your rock that they say God can be.

So in 2026.

Mistakes I made will never correct.

The time spent in the wilderness has changed me like never before.

Many may not understand the choices I make.

But, out of the wilderness I will walk.

And stability I shall find.

Be bold to walk a path the world cannot walk.

And to quote my pastor's point made known in the closing song - that those who come after will find us faithful.

My depression has finally peaked.

For Ashyr. For Edyn. Daddy loves you.