Dream of Debts
Can AI dream?
While I do..
I had a dream last night. A very odd, unique yet startling relevant dream.
In the dream,
I don't know what exactly I did, but I ended up taking a little boy and running from the authorities. It was something bad, maybe a murder, maybe a stabbing, something serious, something that would lead me to death. I remember a struggle as I told the boy to start running, and they started chasing. A friend or a brother with another boy helped distract and occupy the authorities as I started trying to escape. Over the boardwalk, twist and turns. Many a time, they almost caught me but I managed to wriggle free, all while asking the boy not to give up, to keep on running to keep on going. The dream repeated itself through many scenes, through taking a bus, through sitting in a house of a friend, hiding, through looking for a place to sleep, all for the little boy. I was afraid of being caught and the consequences that we would suffer. That life would be over. There were people that came along the way, some just watching, some asking me where I was going and some helping along the way. Most kept silent.
I kept running till we grew tired in my dream. I decided to take the boy to a canteen to get some food, to get some respite, half hearted to turn myself in but mostly tired from the running. I asked myself why i was running.. was it for the boy. Was it for myself. Was it out of fear. Was it punishment? Wouldn't it be easier to turn myself in and live a life in a jail, even if life would be over as I knew it. But somehow, I also remember running because of the little boy. That the little boy needed me and we needed to run together. I don't know what the boy symbolised but he was a critical and important part of the dream and what he represented. A running partner, but also perhaps a reason we committed a crime.
Then while sitting in the canteen. Someone came to me. It's odd because it was this very specific image for someone who had worked for my father. The bursar of his school, I didn't know what it meant but I remember her face, a soft smile, not many words. She had appeared before while I was running..and she asked... Why did you not give in... Why not give in.. are you tired of running. I said I was but I didn't see a way out. Succumbing to the authorities wasnt right but running was so tiring. I was burning out. Depressed.
And my dream ended here. With the thought in my head. Why do I keep running.. running away... Running from what and running to what...
The bursar is important in the dream. I didn't realise it but she manages and counts the debts in my father's school. There's no solution. But there was clear symbolic imagery with my life. How I'm running and not knowing where. Running from guilt. Running from shame perhaps. How I'm alone in the wilderness. Having a duty of care for the boy and not being able to let him go but so tiring having to run with him almost like he's a burden I needed to carry. No way out. No end... And an abstract question by the counter of debts. Perhaps I owe a lot in my life for the wrong things I've done. But maybe there's a smile from the owner of my debt, telling me..
Stop running. You don't need to run anymore.
Face the music? Or face me and the authorities.
It will be ok...
Running by Land of Colours
Comments